Caregiving and reconciliation are not the same. You can provide meaningful support without reopening old wounds or forcing intimacy.

Caregiving is often described as an act of love, a responsibility that comes with deep emotional rewards. But for many caregivers, particularly those providing care for an aging parent, it becomes something else entirely. It becomes a constant state of alertness, a life lived in anticipation of the next call, the next crisis, the next moment when everything suddenly shifts and requires their full attention.

Caring for an aging parent—particularly one who was once neglectful, abusive, or emotionally unpredictable—can awaken old survival instincts.

No one wants to feel like a burden. No one wants to feel incapable, infantilized, or like the sum of their life has been reduced to a checklist of medications and doctor’s appointments. And yet, so much of elder care—so much of the way we are conditioned to look after them—is rooted in control rather than empowerment.